I’m 17 and currently diagnosed with bi-polar mania and depression. I live in a residential home due to my mental illness but I’m close to returning home.
My Issue: I think I have 2 separate brains – the big one is mine that I control and the 2nd one is smaller but I don’t control it. It’s filled with awful thoughts that constantly consume me. some of them consist of sex with inappropriate people (that i wouldn’t even want to have sex with)or hurting others. The most recent thought was about drowning my 2 year old niece just to see what it felt like. Of course I would NEVER wan’t to do that but my other brain does. I don’t know who controls my 2nd brain but I just know its not me and I can’t stop it. I’m afraid my 2nd brain is starting to take over and i will soon act on these thought.Please tell me I’m not psychotic and I’m not going to grow up to be a serial killer! I would rather die and am thinking about killing myself so I can’t hurt anyone. P.S I’m too afraid to tell anyone in fear that they won’t let me see my nieces anymore or won’t let me go home.
It does not seem as though you are psychotic and it is unlikely that you are becoming a serial killer, but your desire to hurt your niece is concerning. Per your own admission, you’re unable to control your thoughts and perhaps your behavior. Perhaps that is what you meant by your belief that you have a “2nd brain.”
The most responsible course of action is to tell the residential treatment staff about your fear of hurting your niece and don’t leave until you are 100% certain that you can control your behavior. Anything short of that would be putting your niece in danger.
Until you have achieved full self-control, for a substantial period of time, it’s imperative that you are honest with your treatment team about your concerns about your niece. Medication may be able to reduce or eliminate these urges. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Homicidal Thoughts Not Controlled by Me
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.
APA Reference Randle, K. (2018). Homicidal Thoughts Not Controlled by Me. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/07/11/homicidal-thoughts-not-controlled-by-me/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.