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My Soulmate Is Happily Married

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I have known a man for 3 yrs now and I have had feelings for almost 3 years. I was told by a friend of his that he likes me as a friend and I make him nervous. He is Jewish, his wife is Catholic.
I have tried to get to know him without crossing any lines. He really is a nice guy and I would love to be friends with him, but he won’t do that, which I respect. For over a year I have had dreams about him almost nightly that we are always talking. Talking about life and such.
I truly think he is my soulmate and even my friends who know the 2 of us say how good we look together and they say “You never know what will happen in the future”
Now I have 2 questions; 1 How do I wait to see?
and 2: Why do I make him nervous?

My Soulmate Is Happily Married

Answered by on -

A.

You make him nervous because he is sensitive enough to pick up on your feelings. My guess is that he doesn’t share them but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

This man is not your soulmate. He is his wife’s. You are entertaining a fantasy. You are in your 40s. I’m sure you are aware that nothing good comes of trying to pry someone out of a marriage.

I don’t think you are addressing the right problem. Instead of focusing on how to “wait” for this man, why aren’t you making yourself available to someone who is free to love you and be involved with you? Are you avoiding taking emotional risks by longing for someone who is unavailable? Have you been so hurt in past relationships that a fantasy feels safer than getting back into looking for someone who is right for you?

Please consider seeing a therapist. You may have 50 years ahead of you. Work on healing your pain and developing the courage and the skills to find someone to love who is free to love you back.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

My Soulmate Is Happily Married

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Soulmate Is Happily Married. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/07/07/my-soulmate-is-happily-married/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.