From Bulgaria: Me and my partner have a 10 month old daughter. We are both very tired, sleep deprived etc, you know all the stress that comes in a package with the joy of being a first time parent.
When I met him 2 years ago I fell in love so madly that I couldn’t even eat… Then I got pregnant and it all changed, it was a huge step (plus as a bonus I used to live and work in another country, we met when I was in my home country for the summer). I got very moody and started picking on him for everything (I admire his patience!).
There was a point when I didn’t feel like I loved him at all… And then it all changed somehow, we had a crisis and suddenly afterwards I was in love again and it was as beautiful as in the beginning… It was magical, I was falling in love with him over and over again.
Now a few months after our child was born I don’t feel in love anymore (yet again) and I worry very much. I wish I could feel the same flame as it was so beautiful, but it doesn’t work somehow (in my mind). I have the feeling that all my feelings have shifted towards my daughter and there’s little left for my partner… Is that normal? I desperately wanna feel in love with him again and I feel very guilty about not being able to.
I should also mention that I have been diagnosed with bipolar a few years ago (stopped taking my medication when I found out I was pregnant and have not resumed it yet as I am breastfeeding). I also suspect that I have OCD, I read an article a couple of weeks ago about OCD and it was totally applicable on me… After I read it some of my intrusive thoughts have become less bothering as I realise now they’re not real, it’s just OCD… So I also think that the idea about not being in love might acually be an intrusive thought and not a real issue (because I am very scared of not loving or not being loved enough).
Recently I have been feeling depressed and irritable at the same time (that must be the bipolar disorder) so I don’t know anymore if I should / can trust my own judgement and emotions… I am confused.
My question is – is it normal to be out of love in some point in a long relationship / marriage? (we are not legally married, but we live together and have a child). And then to fall in love again? Or what is the typical emotional dynamics of a marriage? I know the question is stupid, as every marriage is different, like every person is different too… But I mean – how does the intense feeling of being in love evolve in a long relationship?