A: Thanks for writing in. From what I can gather, you and your partner have been together for about four years and have a child together, yet her depression has strained the relationship. Without meeting with her personally I can’t tell you whether or not she is really falling out of love with you or if her depression is the real problem. It could be possible that her depression has masked her true feelings at times, but when push comes to shove, she should be able to tell you if she still loves you and wants to work through this.
My suggestion is that you seek out a couple’s therapist and work through this with the help of a professional. Assuming she is in therapy already, you might gain some insight into her condition by attending a few sessions with her — if she is willing. But given the situation you are describing, I feel that seeing a new unbiased therapist together would be best. If you feel you are getting nowhere on your own, save your tough questions for the therapy office.
In the meantime, start a list of questions you have, as well as a list of how you feel about the relationship and the reasons you want to make it work. You might also get some relationship books or attend a support group for those who love someone with a mental health issue. Hope things work out for you both.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts