I am emotionally detached; I am not capable of feeling love (or at least I cannot recognize the feeling), and my other emotions are muted (the only emotion that I can feel strongly is annoyance). I cannot really feel guilt, and have little empathy (I feel sorry for the abused children and sometimes the homeless, but otherwise I could not care less about anybody, not even family members). I do not react at all if any of my (even close) relatives die, I do not feel anything. I am very impatient, everything has to go my way, I always have to be right and do not concede easily, I never accept others’ points even if they are right (but I am usually avoidant of conflicts). I am also quite selfish, but I can be generous with others if I feel like it (I do not know if I just fake it or not).
Furthermore, I am extremely antisocial. I dislike being among people (known or unknown ones), and I usually disregard their feelings. I pretend to be sympathetic when the situation calls for it, but only because I do not want to stand out, I actually do not feel sympathy.
I have an obsessive-compulsive urge to read all day, all week; always if it would be possible. I care more about the false worlds created in stories than the real one. I truly do not care about anything or anybody. Most of the time I feel neutral.
What may be the problem with me?Dissociation, Avoidant, or Antisocial Personality Disorder?
Dissociation, Avoidant, or Antisocial Personality Disorder?
The fact that you feel all of this as a problem is important. I admire your honesty about identifying these characteristics and traits. If you had a dissociative, avoidant, or antisocial personality you wouldn’t feel this uncomfortable.
Notice the contradictions in what you are saying: You don’t want to stand out, but you have to be right. You want to avoid a conflict, but you are in constant conflict by being annoyed. You don’t care about anything — but are moved by the plight of those who can’t help themselves like abused children. You don’t feel anything and don’t feel guilt, but you are irritated enough to want to change.
Why are there so many contradictions? The source of this irritation is important to contemplate. I would recommend some individual therapy at your university to begin unraveling these internal disputes.