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Move in with Girlfriend?

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I am 19 and have been with my girlfriend for 3 years. She basically lives with me anyway, she’s here everyday and spends pretty much every night. We want to live together but my parents told me it’s “unnatural” (not in a religious sense) and that it would “harm my development” because I’m at a “critical age.” I also have generalized anxiety disorder and have gone to therapy in the past year. They basically blame her for that. They think I’ve been acting out because I have been staying out late with friends and they also blame her for that. Even though she has no influence on who I hangout with or when I go home.
I think they’re so wrong. Is there any validity at all to the claim that living with my girlfriend at 19 will hurt my development?

Move in with Girlfriend?

Answered by on -

A.

This is a tough question because I can understand both sides of the coin. Let me ask a question: Do you know any couples your age, in college, who are living together with a girlfriend and making it work? If you can find two couples who have been together six months to a year and it has worked out successfully — then you have an argument because you have proof. If no one else has made it work — then your parents may have a point.

Finally, there are the issues surrounding finances. Who is paying for your room and board as you go to college? Living together changes things sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse. In the US statistics show living together doesn’t help in long-term relationships. Again I would look for at least two role models in your life that would be living in the way that you would to show that it can be done. Statistics is one thing — role models are another.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Move in with Girlfriend?

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Move in with Girlfriend?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/06/20/move-in-with-girlfriend/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.