Some people have referred to the type of delusion that you are describing as the “Truman Show” delusion. The name stems from a famous movie starring Jim Carrey in which he discovers that he is living in a fictional world in which his every move is being broadcast. The “Truman Show” delusion is not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Health Disorders, the official guide used to diagnose psychiatric conditions. Its closest classification might be delusional disorder, persecutory type.
Two researchers documented five cases of patients who described experiencing the “Truman show” delusion. It was their belief that the patient’s were experiencing persecutory and grandiose delusions. They speculated that the “Truman show” delusion may be a “product…of the contemporary popularity in our culture of reality television.”
It’s very encouraging that you’re able to recognize your symptoms. Many people who experience psychosis are unable to recognize their symptoms and even deny them. You also seem to want help. Being able to recognize your symptoms and being open to treatment positively influences your prognosis. My recommendation is to undergo a mental health evaluation. The evaluator can make an official determination regarding a diagnosis and recommend a course of treatment. These symptoms can likely be eliminated with medication. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle