From India: my bf has ocd , he himself told me. its going to be an year since we committed. he has turned my life upside down. he slowly started interfering in my life n my he controls me. if u would ask me why dont i leave him , my answer is he has family involved , they would call me and scold me as he is their only son . he cries like hell whenever i dont listen to him , or do what he tell me to. he hits himself , use foul language when he gets angry.

it started with him telling me to wear proper clothes which cover me properly (my curves) , u wont believe but he made me stay on call 24 x 7 , when i was doing a job , it was a prestigious job i struggled to get , he would stay at call n listen to everything happening around , my boss who use to hit on me , would call me for meeting n he would get angry at me for he taking my name . boss getting angry at me would make him go crazy , he made me leave office abruptly many a lot times , he is a phone sex addict ,

he doesnt let me talk to anyone except him and i have no friends except 2 girls which i convinced him to let me talk to. he has made deactivate my facebook n whatsapp accounts, he doesnt let me have a haircut .
he has made me resign < i had too , because he was creating so many troubles at my workplace .
now i want to die , i loved him n this is turning out to be the biggest mistake of my life

A: The smartest thing you said in your letter is that this relationship is a big mistake. You’re absolutely right. He is a controlling man who has systematically isolated you from your career and your friends. Love doesn’t require this kind of control. A good man doesn’t manipulate the woman he loves with threats, ultimatums and tears. A real man doesn’t get his family to pressure his girlfriend. This isn’t love. It’s emotional abuse.

His behavior is most likely not caused by OCD. Claiming that it is may be his way of refusing to take responsibility for his controlling and unreasonable behavior.

End this. End it as soon as you can as fast as you can. Don’t give him this much power over you. If doesn’t matter what his family says to you. Their words are only words. If you think you are in danger, see if there is a woman’s shelter or services for abused women near you where you can get some help.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie