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Having Problems Being Intimate

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I have been in this relationship for almost a year now. We were sexually active for a few months now I feel award when it comes to sex. I don’t know when to make the first move or if she wants to be intimate. I feel like I’m afraid to be intimate with her so I just give up.

I have been in AA for a 6 years now and from what I gathered I was sexually active when alcohol was involved. My relationships always involved drinking. I have been in 2 relationships since I’ve been sober and I had the same problem. I didn’t know what to do when it came to sex. Its been a problem for some time now.

What would you suggest I do?

Having Problems Being Intimate

Answered by on -


Thank you for asking this important question. The key to moving through this is to have deep, authentic and honest discussion with your partner about your situation. That is the true intimacy: To share your vulnerability with the one you love.

Focusing on the sexual issues as a joint concern you build the relationship. Often, along the way, the discussion of the venerability changes the quality of the relationship for the better, and allows more intimate expression. I would try this approach first before individual or couple counseling.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Having Problems Being Intimate

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Having Problems Being Intimate. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 20, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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