I’m so sorry you are in such despair. Sadly, not everyone gets the family they want and deserve. You may be right that there is something about you that reminds your mom about mistakes she has made. She may somehow believe that if she could erase you from her life, or if you were 100% perfect, her problems would disappear. She may not even be aware that she is taking something out on you that you have no control over. She apparently doesn’t understand that she’s the only one who can correct whatever mistakes she has made. You have nothing to do with it.
It sounds like she thinks how you do in school is a reflection on her. I want you to know that you are not alone in your problems with your studies. Often when kids transfer from a low-performing school to a better school, their grades drop. That’s because their old school didn’t give them the preparation they need to do well in the new one. You are not stupid. You are unprepared for this level of work. It’s like starting a race 50 feet behind everyone else. It’s going to take time and effort to catch up. It’s to your credit that you tried in-school tutoring. Good for you! You need more of it.
Your best help can come from your teachers. Ask a teacher you trust to talk to your mom about how hard the transition has been for you. The teacher can then give you both practical suggestions for how to help you do better. Don’t give up. The work is worth it. Even getting Cs in a better school means you are getting a better education than in your old school. Working at it will prepare you for getting more education if you want it.
Meanwhile, if you need someone to talk to to get some support, you can always call the Boys and Girls Town Hotline. Counselors are available 24/7 to talk to kids like you about their problems. It’s free and confidential. Their number is 1-800-448-3000.
I wish you well.