I have had a very rocky path since finishing university 3 years ago. I have been unable to settle down in one place geographically or professionally, largely due to my desire to keep a relationship with my now ex boyfriend together. I met him in university and we were together for 3,5 years. We broke up 3 weeks ago and, though I am very sad that he is no longer a part of my life, I am looking forward to the future and the opportunities it has in store.
The problem is that in the aftermath of the relationship I have realized that I placed far too little emphasis on my life as an individual. I made some bad decisions, like following my boyfriend around where he found a job in order for us to be together. We come from different countries so I focused on keeping the relationship rather than working on my own career after uni. I think that I was suffering from mild depression, which was exacerbated by my inability to find a job in the place I moved to with my partner. I was feeling low and unable to do much and expected my boyfriend to be an emotional rock, which he really tried to be for me. I realize now that this was unfair and wrong. After a time of unsuccessful job hunting I decided that I would go back to my home country to pursue further education. Another series of unlucky events followed and now I find myself back home, with an unsatisfactory social life, in a job I do not want and newly single.
I would like to use this time in my life to turn things around and consciously build the kind of future that I want. My biggest problem is that I feel unable to open up to and share my feelings with anyone but my ex and we are no longer in touch. I also find it difficult to define what I want career wise and organize myself well enough to achieve any future goals. I am rather lost and think that my lack of success is due to my own errors in judgment. I would like to avoid making the same mistakes again. I am dealing well enough with the grief of losing my partner, but being fulfilled by my social and professional life seems far off at the moment. I would appreciate any practical advice as well as an external perspective on the situation.