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My Partner Has Lost Her Libido

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My girlfriend and I are about a month away from out one year anniversary. A little bit of back story. I was married to a man when we met. My issue at the time was a lack of an intimate fulfilling sexual relationship. I felt unloved and unwanted. I had had a couple lesbian relationships with my husbands approval. When I met my now partner I just knew she was the one. We had an instant intense connection and the sexual connection was mind-blowing. It still is on those rare occasions. We have committed our lives to each other. Even though this relationship is only a year old we feel like it is a forever love. The problem is she seems to be no longer interested in sex unless it is the one or two days before she starts her period and then it’s iffy. She tells me she still loves me and wants me she just has dry spells. She blames this on her diabetes. She’s type 1 since she was 7. She also has colitis and Graves’ disease. I don’t understand this at all. I am trying to be understanding but I equate a loving sexual relationship with a happy healthy overall loving relationship. Again I am feeling unwanted and unloved. I am trying my best to be understanding but I am scared.

My Partner Has Lost Her Libido

Answered by on -


Normal healthy sexual relationships go through ebb and flow periods, and the intensity of the first year of sexual activity is known to give way to good, but often less frequent encounters. The medical issues can be very real and you haven’t mentioned your partner’s age, but that may be a factor as well. The first thing to do here is not to panic! This is something that you may want a consult on and here is a link from the American Association for Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists. They can help you find someone in your area.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

My Partner Has Lost Her Libido

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Partner Has Lost Her Libido. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 20, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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