I don’t think you are any of the bad names you are calling yourself: lazy, weak, stupid, whatever. Your letter shows me that you are insightful and intelligent. You do sound like you may be depressed. You also sound like someone who has things to be depressed about. That list of problems from first year would sink anyone. Your “cure” for first year (taking on a double load during the first semester of second) was guaranteed to make things worse. My goodness! Where was your advisor?!
It isn’t fair to yourself to measure yourself as inadequate for not being able to handle college when you haven’t yet had a normal semester with just a normal amount of student stress. My guess is that you haven’t fully recovered from some of the issues from first year. Further, there is no mention in your letter about what you are studying for. If you don’t have a goal that excites you, of course it’s hard to want to do the courses.
I’m sorry student counseling wasn’t useful. That’s the first place I usually send someone like you. Most schools do have some kind of mental health services and most are very good. Perhaps you simply didn’t connect well with the person you saw there. I encourage you to try again. School counseling services have lots of experience with problems like yours and are usually helpful. Talk about why you are in college and whether you are ready to take it on. If not, think about doing a gap year program as a way to get some experience and to take time out for self-reflection. You might find this article helpful: “Are You Ready for College? Alternatives for the Unsure.”
You are only 18. You have plenty of time to figure out what you want to do and what will help you get there. There is nothing sacred about being in college straight out of high school or of taking some extra time to do it in a way that truly makes a foundation for your future.
I wish you well.