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Now the Issue I Have Is Trust

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Quick past review. I was abused as a child, sexually physically and mentally.
Been in Psych Hospital for 4.5 months when I was 19..

I wanted to do the straight thing. Got married had 2 kids. My ex wife cheated on me. Every relationship I tried having afterwards ended on the same note. Only 1 relationship was domineering.

I was in June 2013 introduced to this guy and we hit it off very nice. The guys that introduced us were mutual friends. My bf and them used to have sexual encounters (not any more) In january this year I went to visit them and they tried to have their way with me. I left and never went back. I told my bf this. He was upset for about 2 weeks and moved passed this and keeps visiting them and talking to them.

Am I wrong if I asked my bf not to be friends with them? As they proved that they have no respect for me, him or our relationship.

This issue has caused so many big fights.

Now the Issue I Have Is Trust

Answered by on -


You are not wrong for wanting to have your boyfriend support on this. But I do think it would be important to enlist his help in finding a solution. Explained to him that you both have different needs but his friends have betrayed both he and you. It’s important that your boyfriend understands that when he stays connected to them it puts you in an untenable position. You can’t forget what happened and him staying in touch now makes it more difficult for you to understand why your boyfriend doesn’t see he was betrayed as well.

This is an opportunity to open the discussion. That’s what’s missing. He needs to hear the truth — you need to acknowledge the conflict. I would begin talking about what’s possible for a change between you and would highly recommend using a couples counselor to help you both work through this.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Now the Issue I Have Is Trust

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Now the Issue I Have Is Trust. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 23, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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