For years, I couldn’t figure out if my memories were real or not. I thought I had like three versions of myself. The one I projecting to people, the one I was, and the one I wished I was. My mom confirmed my memories about the physical abuse and how I reacted to it growing up. I found out that those memories and “the person I wished I was” was ACTUALLY who I was. I used to think I was fantasizing about how I responded to the abuse, but now I realize it wasn’t a fantasy, that’s actually how I responded. So, what I want to know, was I delusional? Is there a clinical term for what I have been through? I’ve seen a lot of information about people thinking that fantasies were real, but they were not…mine is the other way around.I Learned the Truth About My Memories – And There is Clarity Now
I Learned the Truth About My Memories – And There is Clarity Now
Based on the information you provided, I don’t think you were delusional. In fact, quite the opposite. Delusions are strongly held false beliefs that exist despite all evidence to the contrary. Your mother confirmed your abuse. In essence, your mother corroborated your memories increasing the likelihood that they are true.
The best possible psychological explanation for what you have experienced may be denial. Denial is a defense mechanism that is used by the unconscious mind to protect the conscious mind from memories that are psychologically too painful. It may explain the lack of clarity with your memories.
Your memories have been confirmed and now you know the truth. The good news is that the person you “wish you were” turned out to be the person you “actually” are. I’d consider that a happy ending to an evidently confusing time in your life. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle