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Unable to Forget First Love

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I had a friend more than three decades ago who proposed to me but I could not get married to him because of my parental restraint for weird reason. I was then just 21 years. He got married and so did I and both of us moved on but soon the memories of him came back after my marriage to someone else after two years and has always remained with me. He was my first love. We never met again or kept any contact till 33 years. Upon seeing him after three decades my happiness knew no bounds. Separation from him has been a torture for me. I missed him all these years terribly, dreamt of him which left me in a helpless sad state for weeks thus not letting me forget him. My basic nature changed, I would never feel happy from within but after meeting him recently even though he is not mine, I have started feeling a change in me, I do respond to happiness from within. I wonder if we can keep in touch without endangering our marriages, though he has not shown any such signals but I wish to remain as clean friends with him. We are in our mid-late fifties. Please advise what to do. I can’t think of forgetting him. I am living with his thoughts coming across me daily several times a day for the past four decades irrespective of his presence or absence. Please help and give me some insight. When we separated I didn’t know that I would be loving him so much as to not forget him ever.

Unable to Forget First Love

Answered by on -


Thank you for your question. It sounds to me like to do anything other than honor the power of this relationship would be to betray yourself I suggest you manage your well-being in the way that allows you to proceed cautiously. This means to let your husband know. If you keep this a secret — then it will make it more difficult.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Unable to Forget First Love

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Unable to Forget First Love. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 23, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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