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Needing Marriage Advice

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I was molested and raped growing up. I have been pushing my husband away and I am feeling low about myself. I have hurt him a lot I turn to people who have hurt me in the past and I want to be able to stop doing this. I also threaten to call the cops and or go to his P.O. even though I wont do it. I have done it once. But I was so upset. I want to feel better about myself and I want him to be able to trust me as a person. I really need help.

Needing Marriage Advice

Answered by on -


Thank you for your email. This is a difficult situation because there are many factors at play. I think your best bet is to find a couple’s counselor with experience in working with survivors of sexual abuse who can help the two of you create a safe enough space to talk about all this. The find help tab at the top of the page can help you find one in your local area.

The couple’s therapist can help identify the communication patterns that aren’t working for you and explore ways to be mutually supporting and loving with each other. This is difficult, perhaps impossible, for couples to do without some outside guidance.

I would look to make this appointment sooner rather than later

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Needing Marriage Advice

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Needing Marriage Advice. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 19, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.