A: You have some very important questions that I really can’t fully answer without a formal assessment. I’m glad that you plan to start therapy and hope you have made progress on that already because that’s really the only way to get the answers you seek.
I can let you know that being sexually abused as a child can impact your own sexual development and can lead to dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors, but it doesn’t always. There are many people who have been sexually abused that do not report these issues.
I can also affirm that having odd (and sometimes very disturbing) obsessions and fixations is a common symptom of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). It is possible that the birth of your nephew triggered something within you, even if it was initially protective and loving, but now it has morphed into something destructive and out of control.
It is also possible that the combination of both issues is the catalyst for the state you are in now, in that the possible sexual abuse and the OCD are negatively interacting with each other, creating a bigger problem for you.
The important thing is to get help soon. You stated that you would not act on your thoughts, but why even risk it? Seek professional help now and try to find someone who has expertise in the areas you are struggling with. Thanks for writing in.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts