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People Trash-Talking Behind My Back to the Tipping Point

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I don’t understand why, I don’t act feminine, yet so many people, including complete strangers and co-workers keep calling me gay behind my back. I don’t know what to do, because no matter what I do it only gets worse. They do it even more if I: ignore, confront, tell my boss, etc. There seems to be no point even telling a boss because they often do it too and I can’t keep a job because of this ongoing torment! I can’t take legal action for workplace harassment or slander because no one is willing to testify and I can’t get any proof. The worst part is no one has the guts to say it to my face, they are two-faced and whisper (some shout) and laugh behind my back! It reminds me that humans are inherently evil and ignorant and the tactic that many have used since the Roman empire that if you repeat a lie often enough people will believe it to be the truth. Hitler did it and the modern U.S. government uses the same tactic too. It has gotten to the point where life has been complete hell and the only solution I can think of is violence (I won’t go into detail). What do I do? Ignoring isn’t an option because it seems to only encourage them and I can’t keep going from job to job, because this follows me like a curse!

People Trash-Talking Behind My Back to the Tipping Point

Answered by on -

A.

Perhaps one of the most important things that we can learn in life, is that we cannot control what other people think. No one controls your thinking and you cannot control anyone else’s thinking. You can behave perfectly, do absolutely nothing wrong, but people will believe whatever they choose to believe. They may think you are self-centered and the truth might be that you are really selfless. They might think that you are very arrogant and the truth is you are very humble.

A second important point is that you should not care at all what others think of you. You should care that you are a good person with high moral values. But very few people, even if they knew all of the facts of your life, would be qualified to judge you. And those who are qualified to judge you would likely be the last people in this world to judge you.

You say that you cannot get evidence of sexual harassment, yet you mention that sometimes people shout this behind your back. Carrying a small digital recorder should help you capture anything shouted in your direction.

Fifty years ago, homosexuals faced severe discrimination, hatred and physical violence. Today we are supposed to be much more enlightened and evolved. A person’s sexual orientation in no way reflects on their moral character or the goodness of their being. It is beyond obvious to say that there are good and evil homosexuals just as there are good and evil heterosexuals.

Violence is never justified. Any violence that you would perpetrate on to another would likely result in equal damage to yourself, with imprisonment or even execution. The fact that you feel so angry as to consider violence, is evidence of your possessing a very highly-charged emotional state. Your emotional state could greatly be changed with counseling. Counseling or therapy should be your next step. I wish you the best of luck.

Dr. Kristina Randle

People Trash-Talking Behind My Back to the Tipping Point

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). People Trash-Talking Behind My Back to the Tipping Point. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 12, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/04/21/people-trash-talking-behind-my-back-to-the-tipping-point/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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