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I Was a Child Survivor of Sexual Abuse

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After 4 months into dating, my boyfriend wanted to break up as he cannot accept it. I was a child survivor of sexual abused and during the initial phase of getting to know my boyfriend, I shared with him that I was sexually abused when I was young. He was fine with it. Gradually, we became a couple. He is 38 and I am 23.

4 months into the relationship, It was fine ongoing at first until little quarrels surfaced. In fact, one of it triggered out my past. I finally shared with him the details of the past abused and he could not accept it. He shared with me he felt uncomfortable and uneasy about it and it was his limit. He said he wasn’t emotionally ready and did not love me enough to accept my past. I told him that the abused was something I had no choice, no control, something which i could not change at all and most importantly I was not at fault. He said he understood but still cannot accept it. He said he was actually very serious in this relationship such that he thinks in long term and would be afraid that if we settle down for marriage for future, he cannot love me and at the end, a divorce would happened and it only complicate things especially if there are children. He said thinking of long term, he has to be fair with me and protect my future.

Well, he said he cannot provide me with the unconditional love that I needed after knowing about the details. I guess that is because he is a functional guy. I am really disappointed with his thinkings and I shared with him that the future is for us to work things out together and things will gradually change and adapt and I will overcome my past. I have run out of ideas on how to make him accept my past… Right now, i have a trust issue as I was so sincere with him to share this past and ended up, having to face rejection. There is a big question in me that why can’t he accept the my abused when it belongs to the past and it is what the present and future matters.

I Was a Child Survivor of Sexual Abuse

Answered by on -


Thank you for sending your heartfelt letter. You have only invested four months. I would take him at his word and don’t try to push it. He is been clear about his limitations and I would honor this. You deserve to have somebody who can accept you.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I Was a Child Survivor of Sexual Abuse

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Was a Child Survivor of Sexual Abuse. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 27, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 18 Apr 2014)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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