It’s very important that you take this letter with you to your next therapy appointment. Your therapist needs to know that you are plagued by so many self-doubts. I’m concerned that you may not have been able to tell her. Your therapist really knows you. I only have this one email to go on. All I can do is make an educated guess.
Please do talk to her about your concerns and about what I’m going to say next: I don’t think anyone deserves to be so badly treated. The world does have some bad people in it. Once someone has been victimized, it’s harder and harder for them to fight back. Bullies look for people who are scared of bullies and keep on bullying them – which makes them all the more scared of bullies. I don’t think there is something basically wrong with you. I think you became increasingly vulnerable.
I am so very happy for you that you found someone to love who loves you back and that you now have a family. I hope you and your therapist can work together to help you accept their judgment that you are worthy of love and all the good things that are going on in your life now. You have a deep inner core of strength or you would not be where you are today. You’ve also worked very hard to heal. I encourage you to continue working with your therapist so you can get some relief from the nightmares and thoughts about the past and so that you can celebrate your present life.
I wish you well.