A: I’m sorry that you are having these scary nightmares and disturbing thoughts, but I’m glad you are reaching out for help. There are several things you mention in your question that concern me a great deal.
First and foremost, anytime you feel so bad that you would consider suicide, it is time to get some professional help. The suicidal thoughts, the nightmares, the violent thoughts and the history of hurting animals all lead me to give you the same advice: please get some help.
You are only 14 so if you talk to a therapist now there’s a very good chance that you will be able to overcome all these issues successfully. Please speak to your parents about helping you find a good therapist who works with teenagers. You may not even have to tell your parents exactly why you want to speak with someone in the beginning. Just be sure to be very direct and persistent that you want help now. Your school counselor or medical doctor may be able to give you some recommendations for therapists.
Don’t worry about being “crazy,” just focus on getting better so you can feel peace inside.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts