So last fall I met a guy in college. He was my chemistry partner and we ended up falling for each other. Unfortunately I had to transfer 600 miles away but we decided to keep in touch. We told each other how we felt and I was so happy. After I moved he messaged me once to ask how I was doing. The thing is he never makes contact first. Because I like him a lot and don’t want to give up I message him first and we end up talking for about an hour. This only happens like once a month though. I call him and I don’t hear from him until a month later. The thing is that when we talk all my doubts of him just playing with me or not having any feelings at all go away. We talk as friends and of course flirt and he even talks of us together. Why does he not make contact though. I feel he does feel something for me as well when we talk but he never calls and I feel stupid just waiting for calls that never happen. Maybe I’m just dumb but I feel that he could be the one and he’s mentioned it too. There is always such an exciting feeling I get when we talk and talk about the possibilities. Please help. He is 20 years old as well. We were chemistry partners.
Thank you for writing us here. Since you mentioned it twice that you were “chemistry partners,” I thought it would be relevant to highlight that. I think that’s what you are. You have really good chemistry — and just like chemicals that mixed together well this partnership is good when it happens. But the realities of your situation are such that 600 miles makes it difficult to have the day-to-day contact you were used to.
Right now the relationship is a very good distraction. Enjoy each other’s company, you can flirt, and feel the connection. But what is also clear is that there are no plans for following up, getting together, or trying to make the relationship work long-distance.
Honor the limitations. If you’d like him to initiate the call I would highly recommend you ask him directly. But for now work on accepting the conditions of the relationship as they are.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Am I Wrong or Stupid?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 24, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/04/11/am-i-wrong-or-stupid/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.