There are three possible explanations of the woman’s voice: (1) you were hearing voices and it was a sign of psychosis; (2) it was your imagination; and or (3) it was a defense mechanism that developed in response to the trouble you faced as a youth. I suspect that it was a combination of two and three but there’s no way to determine that with certainty.
People with schizophrenia have both symptoms of psychosis, which often include delusions or hallucinations, and trouble functioning in life. They experience difficulty concentrating, which in a school or a work setting might lead to them dropping out of school or quitting their jobs.
People with schizophrenia also exhibit poor social functioning.
If the voice had been your only symptom, then it’s unlikely that schizophrenia would have been the appropriate diagnosis.
Though you no longer hear the voice, you’re now concerned about other symptoms. These new symptoms may indicate that you have a personality disorder, but more information would be necessary to make that determination.
You said that you “don’t really feel bad about…hurt[ing] people’s feelings.” Have there been occasions in which you have hurt people’s feelings and if so, under what circumstances? Did you do it on purpose? Did you gain pleasure from it? What were the outcomes of those situations?
You said that your friends are scared of you. In what way are they scared? Is it because you have out-of-control anger issues? Have you harmed them? I would need more specific information about the situations in which your friends were frightened of you to know if a problem exists.
Generally speaking, it’s concerning that your friends are frightened of you and that you don’t feel sorry for hurting their feelings, but more information is necessary to determine if your symptoms are indicative of a personality disorder.
You are “terrified” to see a consultant. By consultant, I’m assuming you mean mental health professional. There’s no reason to be terrified. The primary goal of all mental health professionals is to help people overcome their symptoms.
It would be advantageous for you to consult a mental health professional. He or she would gather detailed information about your psychosocial history and use it to answer your specific questions about having a personality disorder.
If you’re concerned about scaring your friends and/or hurting their feelings, then the most responsible course of action is to seek help. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle