I will try and establish all of my issues directly; I am currently seeing a therapist, who I frequently lie to.
1) I cannot sleep through the night and subsequently spend all day and most of the night on the Internet. Once I get to sleep I will sleep until midday.
2) I have a very big sexual appetite that no one is able to fill. I speak with a multitude of women online and love the detachment, I treat them badly. Say sexually explicit things and enjoy that. I then turn it on them. I enjoy that. It makes me laugh a lot. Pathetic and desperate dumb bitches.
3) I am no longer employed.
4) I live at home with my father. Parents have been divorced for years. I believe this is why I never want to get married.
5) I have an extreme fear of commitment and insist on sexual relationships that do not include kissing or hugging (anything remotely emotional)
6) I am highly intelligent. I tell people that I am better than them. However I really hate myself, I frequently consider suicide.
7) I have come from a wealthy upbringing, however expectations are unreal.
8) I have very few friends. I spend a lot of time alone. Going out with family is something I cannot be bothered to do.
9) I am bored, feel nothing excepting extreme anger, frustration and guilt.
10) I have done morally representable things.
11) I have no issue fighting and making others feel bad. Until I feel guilt for it.
12) I smoke, but do not drink heavily nor do drugs at all.
13) I was bullied when I was in school
14) I feel alone. I rode my motorcycle to feel the rush, it was fun. Then I crashed it and couldn’t get it fixed.
15) I have no one to turn to, and am constantly emotionally and physically alone.
16) I think highly of my sister and my brother. She is caring he is not.
17) My mother has always been distant. That is why I ‘love’ dad.
Please help. I need someone to say specifically what is wrong with me….What Am I?
The lying is the central concern. If you are lying to your therapist why should I believe you are not lying to me? Stop lying and show him or her this list and ask for feedback about what it means for you.