Hello, Amy. I’m so sorry that you have to endure this set of circumstances. It’s important that you report everything you wrote in this letter to both your parents and your treating mental health professionals. The two main concerns are that you have stopped taking your medication and your belief that you “should just commit suicide.” Those are signs that your symptoms are not well controlled and that outside intervention is necessary. Report these symptoms immediately.
It’s also important to keep in mind that your symptoms may lead you to make decisions that are not in your best interest. For instance, you think that you are “a freak” who is “born to die” but those things are obviously not true for you or for anyone. You also said that you get “lost in your thoughts.” Your symptoms may make it difficult for you to keep yourself safe and that is why it is important to alert your parents and your treating professionals about what you’re experiencing. That is the best way to handle this situation.
With help everything will pass. You are immersed in the teenage world. Every year at school is a new year. You will soon have new friends, maybe even attending a new school. At the most, in three or four years you will graduate from high school and though you may not believe it now, you like almost all people will probably never see any of your high school friends “ever again.” It’s true. You probably will only see them when and if you decide to attend a high school reunion, 10 or 20 years later.
The teenager years are tough but they end. Hang in there, you won’t be sorry. I promise you.
You did the right thing by asking us at Psych Central for help but your next step should be reporting your symptoms to your parents and your treating professionals. I hope that you will follow my advice. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle