Thank you for giving me the opportunity to respond to your concerns. Let’s start by understanding what was happening. You were having an emotional affair. Emotional affairs can sometimes be more powerful and more devastating than sexual ones. The reason you feel so bad is that the affair is over.
You are also with a woman who needed to be rescued, and it seems as if she needed that on a lot of different levels. You provided support, listened, and even gave money.
Her vulnerability gave you the opportunity to feel important. Emotional affairs happen because some support of the marriage you are in isn’t satisfactory. While you were being validated for helping her it felt good — now that you know your efforts were not successful it is natural to feel all the things you’ve listed.
I would highly recommend refocusing on your marriage to try and find out what there needs attention. My experience has been that unless this happens another emotional affair is likely to happen again.