My husband has a low testosterone levels and low sex drive comes along with that. He also is overweight but in the process of correcting this problem. My question is how I cope with the lack of sex. On average we have sex once or twice a month. Which doesn’t satisfy me at all. I am coping with this by masturbation and sex toys, but I truly just want to have sex with my husband. This has really become a problem and it just seems to be growing. There are testosterone therapy drugs that can be used but they can effect sperm count levels and we hope to have children someday. So using them isn’t an option. We also have infertility issues of Azoospermia, which we are hopeful will change. Which may be also be effecting his low sex drive. I don’t know how to cope with this anymore. This makes me feel so many different things rejected at times, alone, sad, depressed, and most of all frustrated it. Please help I’m desperate, I’m sure we should seek counseling with will be something i will look into. But was hoping to find some helpful tips can do now. Thank you.


A:  Thanks for this very relevant question. Many couples struggle with issues concerning their sexual relationship.  I am reminded here of part of the wedding vows “for better or for worse… in sickness and in health,” simply because you mentioned that you are already aware that your husband is experiencing some medical issues that help explain his low sex drive and you also mentioned that he is seeking some treatment options.  I hope this helps you to not personalize the problem and gives you the patience to see the treatments through. 

Most long relationships also go through periods when sexual appetites are out of sync.  The number one factor listed by most sexual health experts leading to greater sexual satisfaction in the bedroom is good communication.  Being able to openly talk to your spouse about intimacy is the best way to improve intimacy.

Intimacy also means much more than just sexual acts.  Many times if couples can increase their connections in other ways, such as holding hands, giving massages, taking showers together, lying in bed talking, playing “get to know each other” games again, and so forth, the quality of their relationship satisfaction dramatically improves.

So my advice is to keep doing what you are already doing, seek couples therapy like you had mentioned, and possibly look into some holistic options that might help without the negative side effects that medications have.  Gingko, for example, is an herb that has shown to help with low sex drive in some folks and there might be others. Good luck with these issues and good luck in starting a family.  I wish you the best.