The tone of your letter suggests that you may be depressed. You’ve lost interest in your life and are experiencing an overall sense of emotional numbness. You seem to have lost hope. Things that used to make you happy no longer do. Your feelings are characteristic of someone who is depressed.
When people are depressed it’s difficult for them to envision their life improving. A sort of tunnel vision develops, making it difficult to believe that change is possible. In that way, depression can stifle positive growth and change.
What I find encouraging about your letter is that you have written for help, which suggests that you are open to treatment. You did not indicate whether you’ve ever sought treatment. Depression is a highly treatable condition. Many people benefit from counseling and medication. Research suggests that the combination of the two may be the most comprehensive form of depression treatment but some people are able to recover with one and not the other.
My recommendation is to seek counseling. Focus on finding a competent therapist. When choosing a therapist, I recommend interviewing at least four or five therapists before making a decision. You want to choose the therapist with whom you feel the most comfortable, with whom you felt most understood, and with whom you have the most confidence. Once you begin therapy, you should feel a slight improvement after each session.
Many people wait too long to seek treatment. It may be because they don’t recognize that good treatment is available. Perhaps it’s because they erroneously feel that they should be able to help themselves without the assistance of professionals. Don’t make those mistakes in judgment.
You mentioned that you are getting married but even that doesn’t make you happy. Your state of mind is undoubtedly affecting your partner. Helping yourself might also improve your relationship. Not seeking help could harm your relationship. I hope that you will consider treatment. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle