I’m 26 years old been married last 7 years to a lair and cheater… Well one time we separated I dated my high school sweet heart an well recently we re connected an when we dated before i got pregnant an had his son…well my mom hates him N really never got to know him she hates him bc he doesn’t have the best past..he’s got into trouble … But he’s changed n will to prove people he has…but I feel like I’m a teenager again an sneaking around with him jus so my mom won’t be mad an stop coming around to see kids buy I love him I always have we just had different ways after school… An my kids adore him well specially the boy bc its his dad… I jus don’t know how to tell my mom its time to let me learn my own mistakes an tell her I been hanging out with him… I love my mom she’s like my best friend HELP!
I appreciate your email. Your mom is entitled to her opinions and you’re entitled to your life. I would imagine she’s had a front row seat to all the turmoil you’ve gone through in your marriage as well. This is likely why she is so protective now. The most important thing is not to be asking your mom’s permission as much as having a conversation with her. You want to keep her in the loop and ask for her help, not ask for approval to have your life the way you want it.
The frame for this conversation would be for you to review all the support and care she’s given you. You’ll need to point out specific things about this, and I would explain that you need this kind of help again. This is when you describe to her what’s going on — and what you need. It’s important for you to let her know you are not asking her permission to date who you want. This is your life and you are explaining what you need, not looking for her to give a thumbs up.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Mom Doesn’t Like My New Man. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/02/16/mom-doesnt-like-my-new-man/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 16 Feb 2014) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.