I am 16 and have been thinking how to word this for days. Firstly, I am terrified by all social situations and people terrify me. To cope with this I like to analyse situations in my head before I do them. Sometimes I see small details and they get to me really deeply. When it comes to confronting the problem I get angry with myself and them. When this happens I often just forget all emotions and memories (everythjng i am) and start to have urges and feelings. All my emotions are usually certain or confused at this point. I don’t do happiness or sadness when this happens. I just am a blank canvas. Sometimes when this happens I start to have homicidal thoughts towards the other person, I can stop myself but I hate myself afterwards. To escape from this I have my own world in my head where all my problems are solved. If I can’t calm myself down enough to do that I self harm. Usually this is with a hammer and in places it can’t be seen as a knife would be noticed.
I wouldn’t normally have out this here but it has ended relationships with people and friends. I dont think this is the best way to word it all but I need to pur something as it won’t be solved by doing nothing. I’ll just get more and more depressed.Confused Emotions
Being terrified of social situations, high levels of anxiety, and feelings of being overwhelmed are signs of a panic or anxiety attack. Your response in those situations is to become angry at others, homicidal, in fact. The way you handle the aftermath of the panic or anxiety attack is to engage in self-harm. In essence, you’re punishing yourself. You seem to have developed a maladaptive and unhealthy way of dealing with this set of issues.
Mental health intervention would greatly benefit you. A therapist could address your social anxiety and your tendency to engage in self-harm. People feel anxious around others when they don’t think highly of themselves and assume that others feel the same way about them. They lack self-confidence and become excessively self-conscious when they’re in the presence of others. With the right intervention, social anxiety is a highly treatable condition.
You should report these symptoms to your parents and ask for their assistance in seeking mental health treatment. Speaking to your parents about these issues might be difficult but I would encourage you to try. Medication and psychotherapy are proven treatments for both social anxiety and self-harm. Writing to us at Psych Central is a good first step. The next logical step is to speak to your parents and to seek the proper mental health treatment. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle