I am 51 years old and I have had an eating disorder since high school. I have been in therapy in the past for about 14 years tried many meds injured myself, and now I am leveled off, living on my own raising a son and him successful. I have been out of therapy. I have not been in therapy since 2007. I say I am a non practicing bulimic. But it still runs my mind. I must think about food 100 times a day. Recently I have gained 4 pounds that I just can’t lose. The self loathing and depression are actually causing me to eat more. I did purge and take laxatives recently. But it is physically difficult for me to purge. Anyway I feel like in therapy I know more than the therapist. As of now I feel like I’m 400 pounds overweight and I am frustrated and hate myself. I don’t even know what you could say but anything will help.Middle-Aged and Still Bulimic
Middle-Aged and Still Bulimic
First: Congratulations on your many successes. I hope you do give yourself lots of credit for how far you have come. It’s a triumph to have leveled off and to have raised a successful son! That being said, I do think it’s time you went back to therapy. Whether you know more than the therapist isn’t the point. She or he is there to help keep you focused and to support you in your efforts. Go back into therapy with the idea that it gives you support, not information.
You do need and deserve to have someone in your corner as you continue to monitor and work on that self-destructive side of yourself. It isn’t all of you, by any means. But it is significant enough that the best gift you can give yourself is an hour a week of attention from a caring person.
I wish you well.