I’m so very glad you wrote. First: It is not at all unusual for little children to explore each other. Little kids are curious about everything and how their bodies are alike and different is no exception. Kissing games hardly qualify as sexual abuse. I have to wonder if someone scolded and punished the two of you so that you were excessively shamed for what is quite normal behavior.
Unfortunately, your first husband was persistent rather than understanding. Instead of the two of you together working out how to have a loving, intimate relationship, you ended up in a push-pull with him insisting and you giving in.
You and your new husband have another chance to do it right this time. You both have a problem – not just you. You both haven’t found a way to have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. See if the two of you can address the issue in the spirit of adventure and exploration. Take your time. This isn’t just about sex. It’s about mutually pleasuring each other and enjoying warmth and intimacy. If you can’t find a way to approach this together, then I suggest you seek out a couples counselor to help you. This is a couples problem and needs to be solved as a couple.
I wish you both well.