I have no desire to die. But I get a rush by encountering and experiencing dangerous situations. I purposely walk down the dark ally way at night, even though everything in my body is telling me not to. It honestly feels like a high. A couple months ago I was walking home alone late at night and I noticed a car was following me. instead of walking faster, I started walking slower. I almost crave bad things to happen to me. It’s sick and twisted but I fancy the idea of rape and I dont understand why. I purposly put myself in dangerous situations and welcome ‘negative’ experiences but I have no desire to die???Craving Intensity
Looking for intense experience is a normal part of adolescence. The problem is not that you crave intensity but that you are doing it in a way that could get you seriously hurt. (You already know that rape may be exciting or romantic in movies but is only devastating in real life.) Teens who satisfy that craving without ending up addicted, psychologically scarred or dead are teens who find creative ways to stretch their limits with a little less risky risk.
A less risky risk may sound like an oxymoron, but think about it: The same “high” can come from going on stage, from collecting rides on the highest roller coasters, from taking up downhill skiing, rock climbing or a competitive sport, or from starting a business or staging an event you really care about. These are all positive ways to get thrills and excitement into your life. Done responsibly, they can stretch your self-confidence and help you grow.
I hope you will shift your risk-taking to something worthwhile. Instead of risking your life, your health, or reputation over something stupid, do something intense that you can be proud of.
I wish you well.