I am sorry that these feelings are so pervasive in your life. But many of the things you are identifying are symptoms that respond to a variety of interventions. Many people have been able to slow down, stop, or reverse these thoughts and feelings.
I would highly recommend therapy, particularly if you could find a cognitive-behavior therapist. Therapists with this approach can help teach you ways to start challenging your negative thoughts. You also may want to consider medicine. Many new medications, as well as long-standing proven ones, may help you break these depressive symptoms.
You can contact your local community hospital for an outpatient clinic that will work on a sliding scale if money is a problem. If you have insurance you may want to find out from your insurance carrier which providers are in the network. The important thing is to do something sooner rather than later to help you feel better. Also, the find help tab at the top of the page can help you locate someone in your area.