I am a mother of 2 kids. i now live with my parents and my hubby is also with me. I had left my job for the sake of my kids.
I am feeling like nobody is there for me in this world. I am under going to some depressed mode at most of the time. Even sometime I hate my self for being born. I feel like i am cheated and want to suicide my self. In my Teens I had attempted to suicide and use to cut my wrist or burn my skin when I am scolded by my father. After i left home for my higher studies and job I did not feel like that but was suffering with my ended up first love.
Again I fell in love with a sinhala boy who is not from my ethnicity. The love lasted to 7 years and got married. But after the 1st baby born I started to feel like he was not as caring as he did earlier. I had some indirect pressure from my mother in law which I cannot share with my husband.
When I was conceived the 2nd time I did not get the care and attention as I got for the first one. My hubby did not even touch my belly to talk to my 2nd one. Like wise there are lots of things which Really hurted me and I even had begged for love from him.
Again i am back in my Home town with my parents. They have no unity and my dad always use terms that hurt people’s heart – a quality which i dont like in him from my child hood. Now i am so much depressed. Sometimes I cannot bear and beat my dog or my 1st kid who is nearly 3 years. I know what i am doing wrong and i never thought of hitting her but im forced from my inner mind. I was never been so unkind earlier but now I kill insects, lost trust in god etc.
I want to consult a doctor but before that i ended up here. Can anyone help me. Is there a Doctor here who could help me with my conditionFeeling Empty
I am very glad you wrote. You are right to be worried about yourself. The most loving thing you can do for your children is to take care of what is wrong so you can be the mother they deserve.
You have had a series of difficult challenges. You left a job where you felt good about yourself. Your husband hasn’t been as kind to you. You have issues with your mother-in-law. You don’t like your father but now you have to live with him. It sounds like you have become very much alone with the children.
It is also possible that part of the problem is postpartum depression. For many women, the hormonal shifts following the birth of a child cause changes in mood and loss of energy.
There are a number of things you can do to feel better: First, consult with your doctor about whether you are having postpartum depression. If so, your doctor will recommend some treatment.
Second, you didn’t mention if you know other young mothers. If not, I strongly suggest that you look for a way to make friends with other women who have children the same ages as your own. There is nothing quite so comforting as talking to another mom about the good and not so good things about parenting.
Finally, I hope you can talk honestly with your husband about both your own feelings and why he has been less loving about your second child. Is it possible that the stress of living with your parents is making it hard for him as well as for you? Does he feel like he isn’t the man he should be because he can’t support his family? Is parenting two children overwhelming for him? Whatever it is, the two of you need to be working on your problems together. Couples who do (and who do it in a loving way) become stronger as a couple.
I wish you well.