There is nothing normal about your life situation. First and foremost, I am concerned about the fact that your mother grabbed you by your hair, forced you to the floor and began “stomping on [your] head.” That should never happen to anyone, especially a child. I only have a limited set of facts but it seems as though you are being subjected to abuse at the hands of your mother.
You almost called the police but you changed your mind. You should have completed the call and reported what your mother did and what you were feeling. They could have helped you. They would have come to the home and investigated the incident.
If any violence occurs in your home, you should call the police. You should also call the police or go to a hospital if you feel that you cannot control your impulses or behavior. What your mother did to you is wrong, very wrong but harming her is not an acceptable solution to this problem. You are having an inappropriate reaction.
I’m glad that you decided to write because it was the correct thing to do. You should ask for help. Immediate professional intervention is required in this situation.
Don’t hesitate to call for help in emergency situations. In the meantime, discuss these matters with a school faculty member. Report the abuse and your thoughts. You might fear that you will be punished for your thoughts but that is not true. Thoughts are not punishable offenses but if you harmed your mother, you would be punished and could lose your freedom. You don’t want to risk losing your freedom. Report what is happening in your home and a school official will assist you. Seek help before you do something that you would undoubtedly regret. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle