The death of a parent is a monumentally difficult life experience. It’s not something that people simply “get over.”
After the loss of your mother, you began to detach emotionally and mistrust people. It was traumatic for you. The lingering effects of that trauma remains an issue.
Your main inquiry involves an issue with your boyfriend’s sister. You feel as though she betrayed you. You did not include details about what the text messages said. Without that information, I cannot determine if you are appropriately reacting to what she wrote.
Miscommunication is a very common occurrence. Even under the best of circumstances, communication is extremely difficult. You might think that you know what she said but you can’t be certain that she properly communicated the intent of her message.
It’s also important to note that texting is a poor form of communication. Texting essentially is a short-form version of communication. When people are texting, they’re typing in words very quickly. They do not have time to fully contemplate what they are communicating.
With texting there’s also the issue of auto-correction. Auto-correction is supposed to make texting easier and quicker. Someone may choose to use an auto-corrected word rather than type out, in long form, precisely what they wanted to say. In essence, auto-correction weakens communication.
Even if she said what she wanted to say, perfectly, her words are being interpreted by you. You may be making assumptions about what you think she wanted to say. You’ve been struggling with issues of mistrust since the death of your mother and it may be impacting your interpretation of what she wrote.
Before you decide to move out of your home, it’s important that you speak to your boyfriend and his sister about the texts. Be honest about how they made you feel and give them an opportunity to explain. It might be a matter miscommunication, simply a big misunderstanding but you won’t know if you don’t ask. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle