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My Trust Issues Are Destroying My Relationship

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I have been dating a girl for about 5 months now and we dated 2 months after she broke up with her boyfriend of over a year. My childhood consisted of a father leaving my sister and I at age 8, a mother who was an alcoholic up until I was 15 years old, and past relationships that did not go according to plan for me. I have very bad trust issues, anxiety issues, and paranoia. My girlfriend has put up with me a lot, but she also has lied to me and does things that probably aren’t smart with a boyfriend with these issues. I HATE hurting my girlfriend because of these issues. She wants to be with me despite these issues I have, but being with her causes me pain because I constantly think she is doing something that would hurt me. I love her and she loves me. I am going to be seeing a therapist, but should I embark on this healing with her as my gf or do this alone and be in pain because I can’t be with her?

My Trust Issues Are Destroying My Relationship

Answered by on -


Thank you for sharing your concerns with us. The best way to proceed is to engage in individual therapy because the issues are focused on your past experience and your family of origin, which seem to have been activated by the current relationship.

In order to dismantle any activators you need to sort through what is yours and what is hers. The best way to do that is to continue the relationship as you explore the origin of your trust issues in therapy.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

My Trust Issues Are Destroying My Relationship

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Trust Issues Are Destroying My Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 24, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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