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My Stepchildren Are Destroying My New Marriage

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I am married to an Amazing man, he is truly the Love of my life and my husband of 3 weeks. We have been together for the past 3 years and although it has been VERY rocky at times (due to a crazy ex-wife) I can say that we are truly best friends and I love that about Us.

His children (teenager and preteen) are really destroying our marriage. His son was taking ADHD pills and doesn’t take them anymore so did his sister. These kids have NO manners, arr rude and when i first met them they were eating with their hands (let’s put it that way). Now everything is ridiculous, from the talking back, the attitudes, the treatment towards my own kids, etc.

I can’t take it anymore…but I HIGHLY (almost hate) his children. What should i do?

My Stepchildren Are Destroying My New Marriage

Answered by on -


Thank you for writing us here at Psych Central.

It is unclear from your letter if the children live with you. The reason I mention this is that it matters greatly as to my response. If they don’t live with you, it is time for you and your new husband to forge together as a team to come up with a plan for managing your time with them, how to structure your interactions, and how to give each other mutual support.

If they are living with you these things are important, but the stakes are much higher, and the situation more difficult. If they live with you I would take some time alone with your new husband to work out an approach that is comprehensive. The two of you need to be on the same page with your treatment and interventions with the children. For this I would recommend a parenting class — particularly one that specifically deals with blended families and remarriages.

I would try these things first. If it turns out you need a therapist you can check the find help tab at the top of this page, or contact the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. They have articles, information and specialized therapists to help with this situation.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

My Stepchildren Are Destroying My New Marriage

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Stepchildren Are Destroying My New Marriage. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 22, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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