You seem to be struggling with excessive thoughts that are disrupting your life. Those types of obsessive thoughts are associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). I can’t know with certainty if you have OCD but obsessive thoughts are characteristic of the disorder.
OCD is an anxiety disorder. Anxiety is a feeling of nervousness, often about an event or something in which you feel uncertain about the outcome. In your case, your obsession involves the idea that you might kill people. One of the best ways to combat anxiety is to utilize logic and to force yourself to believe in reality. The odds of you becoming a serial killer are astonishingly minimal. Most serial killers have a history of violence and a strong desire to hurt others. They don’t simply watch a movie and become serial killers. Focus on the truth and your anxiety should diminish.
The possibility exists that you may be in the early stages of OCD and it would be wise to see a mental health professional. A therapist could determine if OCD is present, help you to develop the appropriate skills for dealing with your anxiety and might potentially prevent the development of a mental health disorder. You may only need a few therapy sessions to learn to control your anxiety. Medication might also help to decrease your obsessive thoughts. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle