Technically, insanity is a legal term, not a medical term. I think what you’re trying to say is that you fear that you are losing touch with reality.
I can’t offer a diagnosis over the Internet but I do believe that your symptoms are concerning. Some of your thoughts are not based in reality. One example is believing that your mother’s porcelain dolls are trying to kill you. Porcelain is a ceramic material. Dolls are nonhuman. They cannot move, have thoughts or harm anyone. It is simply impossible. Try to force yourself to believe in the truth.
You describe feeling paranoia between the ages of 4 through 9. A more concise description of what you felt may have been fear and anxiety. You had a very specific phobia of someone coming into your home and harming you. At that point, your mother should have taken you to see a mental health professional. Professional treatment could have helped you immensely and significantly reduced or eliminated your fears.
It’s also concerning that your mother kept your eating disorder a secret. She should have immediately consulted a mental health professional. Eating disorders are very serious and require professional treatment. They can be deadly.
You’re currently experiencing significant mood instability and believe in things that are not real. My recommendation is to seek professional help immediately.
Ask your parents to take you to see a mental health professional. If they refuse or don’t know how to access treatment for you, then speak to a faculty member at school about your symptoms. Ask them to assist you in acquiring mental health treatment. They can assist you and your parents in finding professional help.
Lastly, don’t ignore these problems. You need to be proactive about seeking treatment. Continue to ask your parents or a member of the school faculty to help you. Don’t take no for an answer. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle