I’ve always been paranoid. I’d cry at least once a week from the ages of 4 to 9. I’d cry at night worrying about my parents dying or us being robbed and murdered or one of my parents dying in a car crash.
There was no reason for this, yet I was terrified. My mom would read me bible passages to try and help but it rarely did.
Now, it’s slightly different, I suffered from bulimia for about two years; my mom knew but kept quite so no one would find out. I’m now suffering with ENDOS, but that’s the least of my problems.
I know my mom’s dolls are out to kill me. My mom has 37 porcelain dolls and they’re all over the house and they want to kill me. When I’m home alone I never leave my room, because I can hear them moving around in the house and I’m just waiting for the day they get me, I’m constantly scared to go to the bathroom or kitchen or walk down the hall. I’m petrified that one day they’ll be waiting for me.
Also, I constantly am switching between extremely happy and depressed and sometimes I just feel completely and utterly sad, ready to die, yet I can’t remember if there was even a reason for it. I get angry and I’ll yell and insult and swear at people and I’ll be fine before that but then I get angry and lash out.
Another thing is my slight obsession with air. If someone yawns, breathes or burps close to me I hold my breath til I can’t anymore then I either use something as a filter between my nose and the air or run away no matter where I am (even in class).
I really hope someone can help and explain what’s happening, I think I’m going insane.Losing Touch with Reality
Losing Touch with Reality
Technically, insanity is a legal term, not a medical term. I think what you’re trying to say is that you fear that you are losing touch with reality.
I can’t offer a diagnosis over the Internet but I do believe that your symptoms are concerning. Some of your thoughts are not based in reality. One example is believing that your mother’s porcelain dolls are trying to kill you. Porcelain is a ceramic material. Dolls are nonhuman. They cannot move, have thoughts or harm anyone. It is simply impossible. Try to force yourself to believe in the truth.
You describe feeling paranoia between the ages of 4 through 9. A more concise description of what you felt may have been fear and anxiety. You had a very specific phobia of someone coming into your home and harming you. At that point, your mother should have taken you to see a mental health professional. Professional treatment could have helped you immensely and significantly reduced or eliminated your fears.
It’s also concerning that your mother kept your eating disorder a secret. She should have immediately consulted a mental health professional. Eating disorders are very serious and require professional treatment. They can be deadly.
You’re currently experiencing significant mood instability and believe in things that are not real. My recommendation is to seek professional help immediately.
Ask your parents to take you to see a mental health professional. If they refuse or don’t know how to access treatment for you, then speak to a faculty member at school about your symptoms. Ask them to assist you in acquiring mental health treatment. They can assist you and your parents in finding professional help.
Lastly, don’t ignore these problems. You need to be proactive about seeking treatment. Continue to ask your parents or a member of the school faculty to help you. Don’t take no for an answer. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle