You have been dealing with depression for most of your life but it seems that you have yet to receive professional help. You should not have waited. Depression is a very treatable condition.
Lately, you’ve noticed it’s getting worse. It’s gotten to the point where you don’t think life is worth living. It’s important to understand that depression can cloud judgment. Much of what has led you to feel as though life is not worth living is based on your feeling that you don’t belong, that your mother doesn’t love you and that no one would care if you ceased to exist.
There is a high probability that your judgment about how your family feels about you and how you perceive yourself is wrong because of your depression. You don’t feel like your mother loves you but what is that feeling based on? What evidence do you have to support your ideas? What you feel to be true and what you fear might be true may not match up with what is true.
You also don’t think you’re as “good as anyone else.” That is how depressed people feel. They don’t think they’re worthy of life and they often deem themselves as being worthless. They often feel that there is no hope for them. But they are wrong, very wrong.
It is vitally important that you consult a mental health professional as soon as possible. The major concern is your not wanting to live. If you feel that you might harm yourself, then go to the emergency room or call 911 immediately.
Many people with depression feel the way you do. They don’t feel that life is worth living and they don’t feel hopeful. Once they begin treatment, they quickly realize just how clouded their judgment had been. They begin to see that their lives can improve.
You shouldn’t have waited so long to receive help. The moment that you suspected depression is when you should have sought professional treatment.
If you are open to treatment, there is a great deal of hope for you. I suspect that much of what you believe to be true about yourself is the result of an inaccurate perception of reality. Therapy can help you see the truth and live a good life. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you will take my advice and seek help immediately. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog