I live with my boyfriend we have been together for almost 4 years he have a son who is almost 2 and I am pregnant. My boyfriend is a very paranoid and suspicious person we is very worried that I will cheat on him (even though I never have before he said he is worried because his ex cheated on him and all girls are the same) I’m not allowed to talk to the opposite sex and when I get home from work he will sometimes ask what guys I have talked to at work he gets mad even when I have to talk to a male about work related things. I go out of my way of avoid guys so even if some one asks a simple how are you I won’t have to answer. I have to leave work 5 minutes early and run to my car and speed home so I can get home at the same time every day because if I am not he accuses me of things like staying late to talk to some guy. He always thinks I am lying about everything and there is no way to actually prove if I am lying or not so he just marks it down as “another lie I told” even though I wasn’t lying. I just always feel drained and tired. But I am scared to leave him because I am scared of change and being alone. I am scared that if I leave I will miss him. No mater what I do he will never trust me. What should I do?
Thank you for your letter. My experience with men who are chronically jealous, as well as what some of the literature suggests, is that these are traits that tend to be very consistent, and often get worse. That is why I am recommending you have counseling before the baby arrives. His behavior will create more and more resentment with you as time goes on. Ultimately you’ll feel even more unable to “get it right.” For this I highly recommend couples counseling. The find help tab at the top of the page will help you locate someone nearby.
You are now in orbit around his jealousy and that orbit will tighten as time goes on. This is something you need to address sooner rather than later. If he won’t go to counseling with you, it would be important to go for yourself.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Is it Worth it?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/10/11/is-it-worth-it/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 11 Oct 2013) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.