“Marriage versus sanity” may be a false choice. The implication is that maintaining your sanity may involve ending your marriage. Based on your letter, there’s no indication that you have tried any alternative methods of resolution. Thus it’s quite premature to consider ending your marriage.
You and your husband argue but you should not assume that the marriage is over. It’s a stressful time because of your recent move and the lack of financial stability. Once either of you finds steady work, there will likely be less tension and fighting.
I would suspect that your husband is unhappy having moved to be close to your parents. I can certainly understand why you would prefer to be close to your parents but I can also understand why your husband would not be happy being so far away from his home.
In a marriage or partnership, often one person has more power than the other and through power or manipulation or subtle pressure the stronger partner gets their way. The weaker partner, though having conceded, does not simply accept the fact that they have acquiesced. They silently resent having lost. This resentment builds like money being added to a savings account. Often it leaks out or it can be suddenly released with the marriage ending in divorce. Perhaps your husband does resent moving to Pennsylvania. He loves you but he may not be happy living so far from his home. These are all issues that I would examine if you were in counseling with me.
Your relationship could greatly benefit from marriage counseling. If he is unwilling to attend marriage counseling, then you should attend individual therapy. A therapist could assist you in decreasing your levels of anxiety and teach you effective problem-solving skills. A therapist will also assess how both of you may be contributing to the problems in your marriage.
Marriage is a legally binding agreement. Your husband is also the father of your child. The ultimate goal should be to salvage the marriage. Marriage counseling affords you the opportunity to examine the relationship in a supportive environment with a trained professional who can teach you how to resolve conflicts in a productive manner. I would highly recommend it. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog