Home » Ask the Therapist » No Chemistry with My Husband

No Chemistry with My Husband

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I have been married 37yrs, got married because I was pregnant; I have been having lovers on the side since I’ve been married. I do not feel a chemistry for my husband, he is a very good provider but I don’t feel sexually attracted to him. I need an lover on side that I am attracted to sexually or have a chemistry with. I am very confused and don’t know what to do?

No Chemistry with My Husband

Answered by on -


That is a very long time to be in a relationship to which you are not fully committed. I would first talk to an individual counselor about these extramarital relations. You first need to understand a bit about yourself and these encounters before you take any other actions. Until the need for these is understood better you are not likely to make much progress.

Once you have established a good relationship with an individual counselor, I would ask him or her about whether couples therapy would be important. If you are deciding to split, couples therapy may be a way to make this separation less painful. If you decide that you want to stay in the relationship, it will certainly be needed in order to enhance the possibility of having more joy together.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

No Chemistry with My Husband

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). No Chemistry with My Husband. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 20, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.