I have been in a great relationship now for over a year. We’re really open with one another and we communicate well. Yet I look at everyday as “what if he leaves me today?”. If we are getting along that day or if we aren’t, it doesn’t make a difference. I ask it everyday. My question is that why am i so scared of losing him but I can have strong relationships with friends and I don’t think that way. I have lost more best friends in my life (and some were very close to me) than boyfriends. I have a couple of best friends in my life and i have the idea of “being friends forever” in my head, when I know that some day we may not even talk to each other. I understand it’s a difference relationship than being friends. My question is how can I have such faith in having a best friend forever, and that they will never leave me, versus my boyfriend who has been there for me through everything? Is there anything I can do that I won’t live everyday with the fear of him leaving in my head? I know that someday he may end it or I may even end it, but until then I’m tired of being scared of it everyday. I want to enjoy my time with him.
The short answer is that love is different than friendship. Often when we love we are so drawn into the experience that the prospect of losing that love creates tremendous anxiety.
We live in a world where commitment and love are vulnerable resources that open our heart and mind, yet leave us fragile but hopeful. We live in the paradox of having love, knowing that it can be lost in the next heartbeat.
In other words, your feelings are perfectly normal and healthy and profoundly human. Learning to live with the knowledge that we can be deeply in love and we can lose that connection at any time is the challenge of being fully alive, fully human.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Afraid of Losing My Boyfriend. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/10/06/afraid-of-losing-my-boyfriend/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.