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Caught Boyfriend Lying

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I have been with my boyfriend for a year, and I find him to be the most loving and beautiful person I have been with. However, 8 have suspected him of lying several times and when I asked him about factual inconsistencies he becomes defensive. The stories involve his whereabouts usually. About 6 months ago, he told me he took his niece to a concert, texting me several times during the evening with updates. Last week, I found out he never took her and made everything up. He admitted lying and said he was embarrassed to tell me because her father showed up last minute, making my boyfriend look like a chump. I think he admitted it only because he was caught, leading me to believe the other times he was lying as well. He is otherwise perfect and recently supported me through a health scare. I find it very difficult to have a serious conversation about lying, and he says I need to stop assuming he is lying. Im afraid that if I stay with him, the lying will get worse and we will be married or have kids and I will regret my life with him.

Caught Boyfriend Lying

Answered by on -

A.

Trust your instincts. You seem to have a very keen sense of when he is lying and when he isn’t. However, I will say that the pattern you’re describing with him sounds like his lying may be more than casual. I think I would have a very serious and clear discussion about how important and meaningful this is to you, and how your instincts are usually right. Let him know the next time would be a deal-breaker. Also, it’s important to realize how lame his excuse was for lying. Just because plans fell through with his niece doesn’t mean he needed to lie to you. Also, why the charade? It is one thing to lie; it is another thing to generate a fabrication in order to conceal it.

I would deal with this with him directly now. Trust is always at the center of being able to love someone.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Caught Boyfriend Lying

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Caught Boyfriend Lying. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/10/03/caught-boyfriend-lying/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.