Home » Ask the Therapist » Completely Confused

Completely Confused

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I have been married for 12 years with the love of my life. I couldn’t get a better man in life. He is everything a girl would want. I love him equally. We are great in bed and its going great. I recently met a man that I felt attracted to. I feel like having sex with him. I fight with myself and refrain from seeing him. I fail to understand why I am attracted to this man although I have no problems with my husband. What’s my problem? Please help.

Completely Confused

Answered by on -


Feeling like you want to have sex with someone isn’t unnatural. Look at Times Square, any magazine, TV ads, music videos, or many best-selling books. Being attracted to others is part of being human. But the real question is what are you going to do about these feelings? Beyond the normal attraction-reaction is there something pushing you? The two typical reasons are that there is something not OK in the relationship that is not being addressed, or there may be a complacency or boredom creeping into an otherwise fantastic relationship. To learn more about the second one please see the article I have written about this at my blog Proof Positive here at Psych Central.

But if your relationship is good and you are not bored don’t make something natural a problem. There is a world of difference between feeling like you want to have sex and acting on it.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Completely Confused

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Completely Confused. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 23, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.