My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year now. When we first began dating she always brought up one of her partners and I just so happened to know him. She told me he was her first in a sexual experience and told me some of their stories later on in the relationship. This has been bothering me deeply, I find myself sometimes thinking about it daily and comparing myself to him. I also wonder if she did enjoy being with him, I try to stop thinking about it I know i should be living in the present and be happy because she is with me, and I am. But I can’t stop the thoughts from crawling back into my head. Please I need advice on how to get over this I would appreciate it tremendously I would really like to stop tormenting myself please.
Thank you for asking this important question. I would encourage you to do two things. First I would explain to your girlfriend your struggle. Not for the purpose of managing her discussions or making her feel guilty, but rather as a way of enlisting her help in getting you through the issue. This brings both of you in line with a common goal rather than you dealing alone with the concern.
Second, once the two of you are aligned then you can make a plan to assess how well you are dealing with it. Plan a followup to the decisions you work out to see if they are effective, and what you need to do to make them more valuable.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Can’t Forget Girlfriend’s Past. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/09/29/cant-forget-girlfriends-past/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.